I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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