All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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