It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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