New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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