And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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