I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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