I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize