We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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