my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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