Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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