great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
