im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
