OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
