why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
