Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
