She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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