im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
