I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
