You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You're like the curious george of whores
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
