he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
