dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
