Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
PANTIES FOUND
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