sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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