This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
