oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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