Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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