i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize