Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
