Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
