Pappa wants mamma naked
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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