You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
