the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
