btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
