I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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