Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
