Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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