her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was CRYING into my vagina
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
