she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
