i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
