Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
