walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
