i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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