I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
