I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
