i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
