i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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