I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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