So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
