Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
