im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
