i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
