it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
