he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
