So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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