Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
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