i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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