A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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