What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
