I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
