hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
