If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
