Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

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(319): View more from Iowa

went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.

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(209): View more from California

ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?

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(516): View more from New York

They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

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(330): View more from Ohio

How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?

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(912): View more from Georgia

She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.

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(315): View more from New York

Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.

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