when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Text me some of your sweat
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
