dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
