paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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