You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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