Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
