I think my fart just growled at me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
