I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize