When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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