Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
