i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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