I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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