I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
