We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
