my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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