Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
