Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
