It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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