I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
